As 2009 Comes to a Close

As 2009 comes to a close I can not help but reflect on the year. This year has truly been a year of transition and change for me and my family. We started the year off with a scare concerning my mother's health, our household changed back from 5 to 3, my husband got a new position at work which resulted in our family's move to a new town, and my little one started preschool. At work, I transitioned off a 2 year long special project and went back to my old team, my company experienced another round of lay offs, and I got a new manager due to restructuring in the department.

There were challenges for most, but it was still a good year. In the end, being blessed with a loving family and great friends always seems to offset anything negative in life to me. I'm looking forward to new horizons in 2010. I want to get a passport (as an adult) in the coming year. I'm just looking forward to the blessings I know God has for me and also to being a blessing to someone else. I am declaring that this is going to be my best year yet! I truly believe that and I pray for the same outcome for all of my family, friends, our President, and America. So when all these things become reality, remember you heard it here first!

God Bless 2010!

Excellence

My sister was telling me about a conversation she had with her daughter's doctor concerning excellence. You see my neice is an honor student and wants to go to medical school. Her doctor comes from a long line of doctors, so he was very excited about my neice's choice. He told my sister that his family, originally from India, is entirely made up of doctors. His mother, father, sister, and brother are all doctors. He said, collectively they each paid for the other's education. Once a family member graduated medical school they joined the rest of the family in funneling their money into sending the next person to medical school. They did that until each person in their family became a doctor. So the entire family unit had a vested interest in each individual's success.

Think of the support and sense of responsibility you must feel to succeed knowing that everyone is trusting you to give 100%. Also it must feel spectacular knowing that after that last person graduates, there are no student loans hanging over anybody's head! Now that's smart. It is evident that in that family, excellence is a family affair.

Excellence can be obtained if you:
...care more than others think is wise;
...risk more than others think is safe;
...dream more than others think is practical;
...expect more than others think is possible.” - Author Unknown

Daddy's girl

Recently a friend and I were having a conversation surrounding fathers and their significance in our lives. We talked about the term daddy’s girl and what that meant to each of us. Haven’t we all heard the saying “daddy’s girl”. We may have even used the term to describe a friend, ourselves or even our daughters. That saying is more than a term or title. It stands for having a father or father figure in your life that cares about you more than themselves. Having a male parent that you can depend on and whom is there when you need him. He is there both physically and emotionally and not just financially.

What if you are not a daddy’s girl and you have always envied those that wore that label. What if the lack of a father’s love and/or relationship has sent you seeking that feeling of love in all the wrong places? What if you find yourself jumping from one intimate relationship to another looking to fill that void? What if you settle for a male presence in your life that is verbally, emotionally or physically abusive because you don’t think you deserve better? Lack of a father’s love, approval and presence can lead many down these different paths of heartache, headache and destruction.

An absent father is not just an issue with our daughters our sons are also impacted by this plague. Where you may not hear the term “daddy’s boy”, you will be able to identify the sons that have a productive relationship with their fathers. These are the boys that are taught to be responsible, accountable and respectful. These are the boys that are dependable and work hard to take care of themselves and eventually their families.

However not having a relationship with their father can yield the opposite results. He becomes irresponsible, disrespectful and undependable. It becomes a perpetuating cycle, because he then becomes a father that is either absent or a poor example for his own children.

These are challenges that are dealt with all around the U.S. According to the U.S Census Bureau 30% of American households are headed by a single parent, 84% of which are women. Now this does not necessarily mean that the fathers are not present in the child’s life, however it does increase the chances.

I have personally dealt with the challenges and repercussions of an absent father. I did however, have a stepfather present in the house so there was a male presence. This is more than many have, nonetheless it does not always result in a connection or father daughter relationship. I was however eventually able to connect with a Father that is greater than none other. He has given me the love that no earthly father could ever give. This is my Heavenly Father. He has been that shoulder to cry on in the middle of the night when my heart had been broken. He is the call I would make when my money ran out before my month. He is the one that tells me that I am beautifully and wonderfully made. So I guess I have become a "Daddy's Girl" after all.

In addition to being there for me, my Heavenly Father has helped me with raising my sons. Along with 30% of Americans I have faced the challenges of raising my children with the absence of one parent. For a few years I raised two young men without the presence of a male in the household, instilling responsibility, accountability and dependability in the threads of their being. It was challenging, however I have depended on my heavenly Father. He has been there helping and holding me the entire time. Giving me patience, joy, love and most of all peace. He eventually blessed me with a husband that has been a strong positive example for the boys. In addition, he opened their father's eyes to see the importance of being physically and emotionally present.

God will be that additional parent. He will be your Father, your husband, a Father for your children, your strength and your joy! You just have to open your heart, mind and soul and He will be there.

Tradition and Routine

“They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men.'[b] 8You have let go of the commands of God and are holding on to the traditions of men." .” Mark 7:7-8

We need order in our lives, our homes, and our churches. All these things are good, but we can not allow those traditions and routines to overshadow God. We can't get so caught up in religious routine that we are no longer in touch with the principle behind it. Know the difference between the Word versus something that was put in place by man to help prevent you from stumbling in your walk with Christ. Let's take dancing for instance.

Dance is a varied art form practiced in different cultures throughout the world. The bible recognizes people giving glory to God through dance.  When the stance against dancing was taken, I believe it was put in place to prevent other believers from stumbling. In some churches, even dancing in the spirit is not acceptable. We can agree that some dance styles are more suggestive and could lead someone into temptation. We can also conclude that this is the root cause of this attempt to roll dancing up into one big bad package. But when I watch my 2 year old dancing his heart away with this huge smile on his face there's nothing but good in that. Oh what a joy!

I didn't bring this up to criticize anyone. If you feel convicted by something, then you shouldn't do it. It's not my place to criticize another person for implementing certain restrictions in their life to help them live holy. Our goal is to please God, not man. On the same token if someone believes something is right for them and they are living according to His word, they also should not be criticized. As Christians the bible encourages us to show how we are different from the world. This includes how we treat one another. If you correct someone that is off the mark in a certain area, show them the Word but do it with kindness and a pure heart. Don't go to them in self righteousness because that's not God's way, God's way is always in love.

There is no place like home

On November 30 I joined 68% of other Americans in homeownership. Holding my keys, feeling like a child on Christmas, I quickly reflected on how we arrived at this milestone. Taking that scary step of pulling my credit 3 years prior and getting that gut wrenching confirmation that I was not going to qualify for homeownership. You know that infamous credit score, the number that lets your creditors and society know the type of person you are. Responsible or irresponsible? Dependable or unreliable? In 2007 my score was 580 and to my creditors I was deemed irresponsible and unreliable. Like many other Americans that were in a very similar situation, this was not an accurately depiction of who I was. So now I had to get my score to reflect the real me. So do I call the 800# listed in the median that promises you good credit in 30 days? Well I did make a phone call. I called the person that could tell me what I needed to do. I called a mortgage lender. What is the score I need to get my own home. 620 was the target, because I am a vet with a letter of eligibility.

So now it was time for committment and sacrifice, I had to decide what I wanted more, the latest Coach purse, designer jeans, a new leather jacket, acrylic nails, or my own house. I am sure it appears to be a no brainer. The house won.

I had to focus on:

1. No delinquencies for 1 year prior to applying for the home loan.

2. Getting my balances below 30- 50% of the credit limit.

3. Paying off all of the collection items, many of which I never knew was there.

4. Paying off one card at a time, moving the resources to the next card in line once each card is paid.

At the same time I had to take bag lunches to work, create and stay with a budget, walk away from the coupons for the Macy's one day sale. You know the one the happens once a month. Now don't get me wrong this was hard to do and every now and then I would slip back into my bad habits. However, I was often reminded of my goal when I felt the draft through the 30 year old wooden windows and dealt with the damage in my ceiling from the leaky plumbing in the house I was renting. That was definitely enough to get me back on track.

So here I sit 3 years later with a 740+ score holding the keys to my new home. So it was worth the sacrifice and wait. I now own a quaint, 2800 sq foot, 6 bedroom, 3.5 bath, 2 story single family home.

If you are not a homeowner, do you want to be but you are afraid to take that first step? If you are a homeowner was it an easy process for you? Were you able to qualify for the house you actually wanted, or did you have to settle? Tell me I want to know.

A Profession Whirling out of Control...

Let's get back to basics seems to be the outcry of the nation in so many areas. Whether you're talking finances, only buy what you can pay cash for, to the positive effects of simply sitting down as a family at the dinner table, people are realizing the importance of getting back to basics.

I am embracing this concept mind, body, and soul. Some things may be harder than others, but one easy thing we all can implement starting today is monitoring what we consume on TV, on the Internet, in magazines, and newspapers. Haven't you noticed that some aspects of the media are out of control? You have the paparazzi chasing down celebrities, reporters delivering the news with their own agenda, and negative stereotypes being reinforced on a regular basis.

Princess Diana was killed 10 years ago trying to get away from the paparazzi. I wish I could say that incident was the turning point in how the paparazzi operated but it wasn't. In fact, I think it's worst. Some reporters now feel it's their "right" to publish a person's personal business no matter how painful. Okay we get it, celebrities are human too. The mystic behind the stardom no longer exists because we know EVERYTHING. Nothing is sacred and nothing is off limits. Did the public help create this monster? Bad news and scandal sells is what they say. One of my favorite quotes is

The appetite grows by what it feeds on. - Albert Richardson

Let's stop feeding into this problem by not consuming it. Don't bank roll it. Stop clicking on the negative gossip stories on the Internet. Keep moving if a magazine spends all its time capitalizing on other people's misery. Let's start demanding more good to balance out the bad and the ugly. I'm glad people are getting back to basics. I have officially joined the movement. Let this be our one small step for mankind, and even more beautiful, womankind!

Our 1st Lady, a Shinning Representative for American Woman

Our 1st Lady Michelle Obama is an intelligent, elegant, wife, mother, career woman, and daughter that represents America well. No matter what your political affiliation, it's hard to argue against the facts, even though some people try. They refuse to focus on the fact that Mrs. Obama has an ivy league education, was a successful lawyer, and is now an advocate for girls and women all over the world, along with military families. I've heard one critic say that focusing on military families was not an important enough platform for a 1st lady! Our military give their lives for this country. What could be more important than that? They should have muted his mic right then.

Despite all the things to Mrs. Obama's credit, she puts being a wife and mother as her highest accolade just like most American mother's do. Her humble spirit is so refreshing, yet people attack her at every turn. They misunderstand her confidence, directness, and honesty and view it as aggressiveness. They over look her kind heart and acts of service, even before her husband's presidency, and focus on rumors and outrageous insults. Outside of Hillary Clinton she is one of the most accomplished first lady's in her own right, that ever graced the White House, yet some feel she doesn't belong. Why?

Laura Bush was an educator and made a wonderful first lady. Everyone gave her a chance to make her mark. No one questioned whether she "belonged" as they shouldn't have. All I ask is that we give Michelle Obama the same chance and the same respect because she deserves it too.

Seeing how a regular girl from the south side of Chicago handled the President's first State Dinner with such grace was wonderful. I wonder how well all those critics would  have done under such pressure? What have they done that's so great they feel justified in being so hard on someone else.  Especially somone who has given so much of her life being of service to others. Yes, service! Check her bio before putting her or anybody down. I love what Michelle Obama represents and how she represents me as an American woman. Keep up the good work 1st Lady. There's a whole lot of us out here rooting and praying for you! God bless you and God Bless America.

Don't be afraid of being who you are, at any age...

A girlfriend and I were discussing this very topic after she came from her class reunion over the weekend. I think this concept flows to all aspects of life, even fashion. I follow this chic, avant-garde blog called Virtual Styling, and on that blog she has a quote that I love. It bacially states, style is knowing who you are and not caring what other people think. Now I'm paraphrasing, but that's the basic concept. I do agree with that but there's 1 small glitch in that system....the people hanging out with you if you decided to get to outrageous. LOL In the following picture, this 2 year old could care less about what other people think while he chills out in his cart at Target. For all the parents out there, no explanation needed. 

It's morning...

It's morning and we slept the night away....

Can you name that tune? Those words are at the start of the infamous song As We Lay by Shirley Murdock from back in the day. As I lay here, up before the roosters for the 2nd day in a row, that song came to mind. I started thinking about the words in that song and I'm thankful that only the first line of that song applies to my life, helping me forget about the fact that the sun hasn't even come up yet. That song takes on a whole new meaning when you're grown. I think about what's going on in that song now, and I'm like whoa, It's about to be a show down somewhere in America.

Old school songs really talked about something. With those songs you actually listened and cared about the "words" because you wanted to find out what happened at the end of the story. They may have lasted 7 minutes a pop, but it was good music. Remember

"Have you seen Her? Now tell me have you seen her? Why oh why did you have to leave and go away! Oh yeah, I've been used to having someone to lean on and I'm lost, baby I'm lost" (The Chi-Lites).

The pain was evident!

Boys to Men got it right with "End of the Road", an instant classic. I remember this guy going through a break-up with one of my girls and that song came on. Home boy was so broke down, he inspired me to take it upon myself, to get on the phone and call my girl to ask "Is there anything he can do....?" Now that's good music! Do people write songs like that anymore? Songs that inspire you to do something? If you think of any, let me know.

The number of black women who will never marry is increasing.

Not all women want to get married so subtracting that % out of the pool still leaves a lot of women who actually want to get married out in the cold. This number is especially alarming when it comes to African American women. The Joint Center for Political and Economic Studies reports that

by the age of 30, 81 percent of White women and 77 percent of Hispanics and Asians will marry, but that only 52 percent of Black women will marry by that age. Black women are also the least likely to re-marry following divorce.

What can we do to turn this statistic around?

One thing is to send the right message to our children. Black women have the first opportunity to influence how black males view black women. It's important to show your strenght but it's also important to show your uniqueness as a woman. That we should be treated with respect and valued. It's time for black women to also be put on pedestal because we deserve that too. Not in a diva sort of way but in a "give and take" sort of way. A "working together" sort of way.

Show your sons/nephews how to treat a woman by the way he learns to treat you. That you have a feminine side and not just that tough exterior. Tell your daughters that they should know how to be independent but when they have children, they should have a mate helping them along the way. If you were a single mother who struggled and held it down, encourage something different for your daughters so she won't have it as hard. It's much easier to have someone else putting the kids to bed while you put away the dishes as opposed to being dead tired because you did it all by yourself. Let's smooth out the jagged edges and show more of the softer beautiful side that is "us" as well.