Past vs. Future

My future does not have to be a reflection of my past, unless of course, I want it to!

Dreams

Today I will follow my dreams!!!
Sometimes following your dreams is so hard to do. In the past I've talked myself out of following my dreams with excuses ranging from A to Z. But I asked God for direction on this one and today he answered. So when God speaks, I'm going to listen. It's by faith, I go. 

On top of your "A" game

Do you remember what you did or what you looked like when you attracted your husband?
I am sure most of us took a little extra time getting dressed and paid close attention to the details when we were in the dating and/or beginning phases of our relationships. You did things like, wore designer clothing and up to date fashions. Made sure your shoes and bag were coordinated to complete the outfit. Bought Victoria’s Secrets, “just in case”. Went to the nail and hair salon to put the final touches on the package. Walked with confidence, kept a smile on your face. You knew you were on top of your “A” game. I am sure we all agree that men are visual so once you get them looking, that is half the battle.

As I was thinking about this I instantly thought about one of my favorite tunes. “Cater to You” by Destiny Child. The lyrics go into detail about what they are willing to do for their man. I am sure most have heard this song. The verse that particularly stands out to me is:

“I promise ya I’ll keep myself up
Remain the same chick you fell in love with
I’ll keep it tight ,I’ll keep my figure right
I’ll keep my hair fixed, and keep rockin the hottest outfits”

Most relationships evolve over the years and we mature and grow within the relationship. However, I am sure we all can agree that the one thing that does not change is the fact that men are visual beings. I would agree that with changing priorities most may not be able to buy the latest trendy outfit or spend discretionary funds at hair and nail salons. But there are inexpensive, cute, eye catching alternatives sold at discount stores and your local beauty supply store has bargain deals on items for home care. I know that it is hard to duplicate Vicky Secrets but Target has some sexy items that are a close 2nd.

We have to stay on top of our “A” game. Remember what you looked like to get your man? There is someone out there that looks just like that.

Happy Mother's Day

A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine, desert us when troubles thicken around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavour by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.        - Washington Irving

It'll be All Over In the Morning

Ain't No Need to Worry by BeBe and CeCe Winans is a song that plays through my head many of nights when I've had a challenging day. Some of the lyrics are...

Ain't no need in worrying what the night is gonna bring, it'll be all over in the morning. There's a fear of night fall, when darkness comes and covers all the day. Sometimes we feel pain, but there are things that we can change,  just pray.

I guess it's my mind's way of trying to soothe my soul. Well, it is morning and things don't seem as bad as they did yesterday. Even though my toddler refused to eat his breakfast, he's still just as cute as a button. It's a gorgeous sunny morning. The temps are supposed to reach the low 70s and I have a lot of work to keep me busy, and in business. So from my calculation, the outlook on today is not to shabby.

In Doubt....In Faith

Doubt - to be uncertain about something; be undecided in opinion or belief. To be apprehensive about. Fear; dread... 

When a little bit of doubt seeps in, a little bit of hope seeps out.~ Moni

Faith - Belief that is not based on proof. Confidence in a person or thing. Belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc. A system of religious belief.

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1)

"In faith" is defined as, in truth; indeed. 

In faith, In Truth, Indeed

Moments of Clarity

My most important moments of clarity occur in the wee hours of the morning, before the sun comes up and the hustle and bustle of the day begins. My former Bishop advised the congregation to use the time you can not sleep to talk to God. I think this is great advice because you never know, this might be the time God wants to talk to you too. In fact I thought it was such a great idea, I implemented this into my life and it has become a time of peace and clarity for me. Sometimes solutions to things I've been pondering are placed in my mind with such ease I can't believe I didn't think of it the week before. It's just amazing to see the paths cleared.

When I imagine this process, I visualize a traffic jam. During the course of a week, we are exposed to so much information from home, work, friends, the media, our minds shut down preventing anything helpful from flowing in and blocking anything that is useful from flowing out. We are at a mental standstill, yet our lives are still moving forward. In essence, we are in a mental traffic jam.

Have you really thought about when your moments of clarity occur? Maybe they come late at night, or while you are on a nature walk, or maybe walking beside the ocean as the rhythmic sound of the waves allow you to soak in the tranquillity. Whenever or where ever your moments occur, I pray that you really embrace them and listen to that inner voice. You might have been dismissing it as a fleeting thought but I say following it through. Have that conversation and take the time to live in that moment. It might be worth more than you know.

Chick Flicks

I love going to the movies, always have, probably always will. But as the mother of a toddler, I don't get to the theatre as much as I used to. As a result, I've embraced the benefits that come with watching a movie at home. No you don't get the energized atmosphere of all the people, the over-priced yet tasty popcorn, the sights, the sounds. But you do get to cuddle up under the covers, press pause to get a snack or restart the dryer, and you can rewind when you didn't understand what someone said.

My husband knows he'll get a reaction of pure delight when he brings home a movie I've been wanting to see or even something he thinks I might like. I get excited by just the anticipation of being thoroughly entertained. There are a couple of movies that just came out that I hope to get to the theatre to see, and they are true chick flicks. Not always at the top of the list for the guys, but every man knows, there are times in life when you have to take one for the team!

For They Know Not What They Do

Today I wonder how life would be, if I could understand you, and you understand me.

Yes we are different but yet we are the same. Both children of God granted grace in Jesus' name.

Yet you look at me and you see less, then I look back at you and know that I’m blessed.

For God knows all his children and he watches from on High. He walks with me when I struggle; he dries my eyes when I cry.

We are all made in his image, black, white, red, and brown. Remember the cross he carried all bloodied through town?

They mocked him, they beat him, they treated HIM as less, those blinded by civil disobedience, self-righteousness and unrest.

Still some hang on to their prejudices, their hatred, and their fear, it is a recipe for disaster from which History makes clear.

So I continue to pray for you, for peace, and God’s love made anew. As the voice of the lamb still echoes,

Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.
~Moni

Close the Door

I've always liked the saying "one thing about your past is that its over". I think this is a very wise and insightful point of view. There are times when we don't have the opportunity for true closure. In a "perfect world" closure would always be an option, but in reality we can't let holding on to our pasts hinder our future. There comes a time when we must make the decision to just close the door on a situation. Release the power this "thing" has over you by closing the door on that troubled space and truly leaving it behind.

What might surprise you is that after leaving that dead weight behind, you have no desire to look back, even when the opportunity to get the closure you once desired arises. You might find that you have allowed yourself to grow so much, it's no longer worth your time.

Checkmate!

The moment we start believing our success is all about us, the moment the devil says "checkmate!" When God rewards your faithfulness, remember the source. ~Moni

My How Time Flies

As my baby turns 3, I'm starting to get a glimpse into what I've been repeatedly told, time flies when you're raising children. When I first came home with my beautiful baby boy, so many people told me to savour every moment because it all goes by so fast. I excitedly filed that information away, unable to appreciate its meaning with a brand new baby in my arms.

But now, as I prepare my 3 year old to spend the night for the first time with the same girlfriend whose son I initially kept at 3 years old 14 years ago, it all becomes clearer. As she mentally prepares for the fast approaching days this same child goes off to college, I must take pleasure in the routine happenings of my life. Things like still having to keep check on when my little one wakes up because he refuses to get out of his toddler bed on his own, no matter how many times I tell him it's okay. I'm just going to embrace the fact that I get to witness that huge grin as he reaches for me proclaiming how hungry and thirsty he is. Yes these are "our" moments. Still, I can't deny the irony in my sentimental moment of clarity. The realization that these are the days I will someday long for and the moments I will forever cherish.

New Ideas

For various reasons, some time last year my husband and I decided to eliminate red meat from our diets. This was surprisingly much easier to do than we anticipated. We had already started to systematically remove it from our diets by just trying to eat healthier, so eliminating it altogether just seemed like a natural progression. As a result we've, we'll, I've had to come up with new ideas for dinner just for variety. I have a Campbell's cook book that has great recipes that are easy and taste really great. Here's the latest quick and easy recipe that gets great reviews I'm planning on trying. It looks and sounds delicious! Chicken and Cheese Enchiladas

1 can (10 3/4 ounces) Campbell's® Condensed Cream of Chicken Soup (Regular or 98% Fat Free)
1/2 cup sour cream
1 cup Pace® Picante Sauce
2 teaspoons chili powder
2 cups chopped cooked chicken
1/2 cup shredded Monterey Jack cheese
6 flour tortillas (6-inch), warmed
1 small tomato, chopped (about 1/2 cup)
1 green onion, sliced (about 2 tablespoons)

1.Heat the oven to 350°F. Stir the soup, sour cream, picante sauce and chili powder in a medium bowl.
2.Stir 1 cup soup mixture, chicken and cheese in a large bowl.
3.Divide the chicken mixture among the tortillas. Roll up the tortillas and place seam-side up in a 2-quart shallow baking dish. Pour the remaining soup mixture over the filled tortillas. Cover the baking dish.
4.Bake for 40 minutes or until the enchiladas are hot and bubbling. Top with the tomato and onion.

As 2009 Comes to a Close

As 2009 comes to a close I can not help but reflect on the year. This year has truly been a year of transition and change for me and my family. We started the year off with a scare concerning my mother's health, our household changed back from 5 to 3, my husband got a new position at work which resulted in our family's move to a new town, and my little one started preschool. At work, I transitioned off a 2 year long special project and went back to my old team, my company experienced another round of lay offs, and I got a new manager due to restructuring in the department.

There were challenges for most, but it was still a good year. In the end, being blessed with a loving family and great friends always seems to offset anything negative in life to me. I'm looking forward to new horizons in 2010. I want to get a passport (as an adult) in the coming year. I'm just looking forward to the blessings I know God has for me and also to being a blessing to someone else. I am declaring that this is going to be my best year yet! I truly believe that and I pray for the same outcome for all of my family, friends, our President, and America. So when all these things become reality, remember you heard it here first!

God Bless 2010!

Excellence

My sister was telling me about a conversation she had with her daughter's doctor concerning excellence. You see my neice is an honor student and wants to go to medical school. Her doctor comes from a long line of doctors, so he was very excited about my neice's choice. He told my sister that his family, originally from India, is entirely made up of doctors. His mother, father, sister, and brother are all doctors. He said, collectively they each paid for the other's education. Once a family member graduated medical school they joined the rest of the family in funneling their money into sending the next person to medical school. They did that until each person in their family became a doctor. So the entire family unit had a vested interest in each individual's success.

Think of the support and sense of responsibility you must feel to succeed knowing that everyone is trusting you to give 100%. Also it must feel spectacular knowing that after that last person graduates, there are no student loans hanging over anybody's head! Now that's smart. It is evident that in that family, excellence is a family affair.

Excellence can be obtained if you:
...care more than others think is wise;
...risk more than others think is safe;
...dream more than others think is practical;
...expect more than others think is possible.” - Author Unknown

Daddy's girl

Recently a friend and I were having a conversation surrounding fathers and their significance in our lives. We talked about the term daddy’s girl and what that meant to each of us. Haven’t we all heard the saying “daddy’s girl”. We may have even used the term to describe a friend, ourselves or even our daughters. That saying is more than a term or title. It stands for having a father or father figure in your life that cares about you more than themselves. Having a male parent that you can depend on and whom is there when you need him. He is there both physically and emotionally and not just financially.

What if you are not a daddy’s girl and you have always envied those that wore that label. What if the lack of a father’s love and/or relationship has sent you seeking that feeling of love in all the wrong places? What if you find yourself jumping from one intimate relationship to another looking to fill that void? What if you settle for a male presence in your life that is verbally, emotionally or physically abusive because you don’t think you deserve better? Lack of a father’s love, approval and presence can lead many down these different paths of heartache, headache and destruction.

An absent father is not just an issue with our daughters our sons are also impacted by this plague. Where you may not hear the term “daddy’s boy”, you will be able to identify the sons that have a productive relationship with their fathers. These are the boys that are taught to be responsible, accountable and respectful. These are the boys that are dependable and work hard to take care of themselves and eventually their families.

However not having a relationship with their father can yield the opposite results. He becomes irresponsible, disrespectful and undependable. It becomes a perpetuating cycle, because he then becomes a father that is either absent or a poor example for his own children.

These are challenges that are dealt with all around the U.S. According to the U.S Census Bureau 30% of American households are headed by a single parent, 84% of which are women. Now this does not necessarily mean that the fathers are not present in the child’s life, however it does increase the chances.

I have personally dealt with the challenges and repercussions of an absent father. I did however, have a stepfather present in the house so there was a male presence. This is more than many have, nonetheless it does not always result in a connection or father daughter relationship. I was however eventually able to connect with a Father that is greater than none other. He has given me the love that no earthly father could ever give. This is my Heavenly Father. He has been that shoulder to cry on in the middle of the night when my heart had been broken. He is the call I would make when my money ran out before my month. He is the one that tells me that I am beautifully and wonderfully made. So I guess I have become a "Daddy's Girl" after all.

In addition to being there for me, my Heavenly Father has helped me with raising my sons. Along with 30% of Americans I have faced the challenges of raising my children with the absence of one parent. For a few years I raised two young men without the presence of a male in the household, instilling responsibility, accountability and dependability in the threads of their being. It was challenging, however I have depended on my heavenly Father. He has been there helping and holding me the entire time. Giving me patience, joy, love and most of all peace. He eventually blessed me with a husband that has been a strong positive example for the boys. In addition, he opened their father's eyes to see the importance of being physically and emotionally present.

God will be that additional parent. He will be your Father, your husband, a Father for your children, your strength and your joy! You just have to open your heart, mind and soul and He will be there.

Tradition and Routine

“They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men.'[b] 8You have let go of the commands of God and are holding on to the traditions of men." .” Mark 7:7-8

We need order in our lives, our homes, and our churches. All these things are good, but we can not allow those traditions and routines to overshadow God. We can't get so caught up in religious routine that we are no longer in touch with the principle behind it. Know the difference between the Word versus something that was put in place by man to help prevent you from stumbling in your walk with Christ. Let's take dancing for instance.

Dance is a varied art form practiced in different cultures throughout the world. The bible recognizes people giving glory to God through dance.  When the stance against dancing was taken, I believe it was put in place to prevent other believers from stumbling. In some churches, even dancing in the spirit is not acceptable. We can agree that some dance styles are more suggestive and could lead someone into temptation. We can also conclude that this is the root cause of this attempt to roll dancing up into one big bad package. But when I watch my 2 year old dancing his heart away with this huge smile on his face there's nothing but good in that. Oh what a joy!

I didn't bring this up to criticize anyone. If you feel convicted by something, then you shouldn't do it. It's not my place to criticize another person for implementing certain restrictions in their life to help them live holy. Our goal is to please God, not man. On the same token if someone believes something is right for them and they are living according to His word, they also should not be criticized. As Christians the bible encourages us to show how we are different from the world. This includes how we treat one another. If you correct someone that is off the mark in a certain area, show them the Word but do it with kindness and a pure heart. Don't go to them in self righteousness because that's not God's way, God's way is always in love.

There is no place like home

On November 30 I joined 68% of other Americans in homeownership. Holding my keys, feeling like a child on Christmas, I quickly reflected on how we arrived at this milestone. Taking that scary step of pulling my credit 3 years prior and getting that gut wrenching confirmation that I was not going to qualify for homeownership. You know that infamous credit score, the number that lets your creditors and society know the type of person you are. Responsible or irresponsible? Dependable or unreliable? In 2007 my score was 580 and to my creditors I was deemed irresponsible and unreliable. Like many other Americans that were in a very similar situation, this was not an accurately depiction of who I was. So now I had to get my score to reflect the real me. So do I call the 800# listed in the median that promises you good credit in 30 days? Well I did make a phone call. I called the person that could tell me what I needed to do. I called a mortgage lender. What is the score I need to get my own home. 620 was the target, because I am a vet with a letter of eligibility.

So now it was time for committment and sacrifice, I had to decide what I wanted more, the latest Coach purse, designer jeans, a new leather jacket, acrylic nails, or my own house. I am sure it appears to be a no brainer. The house won.

I had to focus on:

1. No delinquencies for 1 year prior to applying for the home loan.

2. Getting my balances below 30- 50% of the credit limit.

3. Paying off all of the collection items, many of which I never knew was there.

4. Paying off one card at a time, moving the resources to the next card in line once each card is paid.

At the same time I had to take bag lunches to work, create and stay with a budget, walk away from the coupons for the Macy's one day sale. You know the one the happens once a month. Now don't get me wrong this was hard to do and every now and then I would slip back into my bad habits. However, I was often reminded of my goal when I felt the draft through the 30 year old wooden windows and dealt with the damage in my ceiling from the leaky plumbing in the house I was renting. That was definitely enough to get me back on track.

So here I sit 3 years later with a 740+ score holding the keys to my new home. So it was worth the sacrifice and wait. I now own a quaint, 2800 sq foot, 6 bedroom, 3.5 bath, 2 story single family home.

If you are not a homeowner, do you want to be but you are afraid to take that first step? If you are a homeowner was it an easy process for you? Were you able to qualify for the house you actually wanted, or did you have to settle? Tell me I want to know.

A Profession Whirling out of Control...

Let's get back to basics seems to be the outcry of the nation in so many areas. Whether you're talking finances, only buy what you can pay cash for, to the positive effects of simply sitting down as a family at the dinner table, people are realizing the importance of getting back to basics.

I am embracing this concept mind, body, and soul. Some things may be harder than others, but one easy thing we all can implement starting today is monitoring what we consume on TV, on the Internet, in magazines, and newspapers. Haven't you noticed that some aspects of the media are out of control? You have the paparazzi chasing down celebrities, reporters delivering the news with their own agenda, and negative stereotypes being reinforced on a regular basis.

Princess Diana was killed 10 years ago trying to get away from the paparazzi. I wish I could say that incident was the turning point in how the paparazzi operated but it wasn't. In fact, I think it's worst. Some reporters now feel it's their "right" to publish a person's personal business no matter how painful. Okay we get it, celebrities are human too. The mystic behind the stardom no longer exists because we know EVERYTHING. Nothing is sacred and nothing is off limits. Did the public help create this monster? Bad news and scandal sells is what they say. One of my favorite quotes is

The appetite grows by what it feeds on. - Albert Richardson

Let's stop feeding into this problem by not consuming it. Don't bank roll it. Stop clicking on the negative gossip stories on the Internet. Keep moving if a magazine spends all its time capitalizing on other people's misery. Let's start demanding more good to balance out the bad and the ugly. I'm glad people are getting back to basics. I have officially joined the movement. Let this be our one small step for mankind, and even more beautiful, womankind!

Our 1st Lady, a Shinning Representative for American Woman

Our 1st Lady Michelle Obama is an intelligent, elegant, wife, mother, career woman, and daughter that represents America well. No matter what your political affiliation, it's hard to argue against the facts, even though some people try. They refuse to focus on the fact that Mrs. Obama has an ivy league education, was a successful lawyer, and is now an advocate for girls and women all over the world, along with military families. I've heard one critic say that focusing on military families was not an important enough platform for a 1st lady! Our military give their lives for this country. What could be more important than that? They should have muted his mic right then.

Despite all the things to Mrs. Obama's credit, she puts being a wife and mother as her highest accolade just like most American mother's do. Her humble spirit is so refreshing, yet people attack her at every turn. They misunderstand her confidence, directness, and honesty and view it as aggressiveness. They over look her kind heart and acts of service, even before her husband's presidency, and focus on rumors and outrageous insults. Outside of Hillary Clinton she is one of the most accomplished first lady's in her own right, that ever graced the White House, yet some feel she doesn't belong. Why?

Laura Bush was an educator and made a wonderful first lady. Everyone gave her a chance to make her mark. No one questioned whether she "belonged" as they shouldn't have. All I ask is that we give Michelle Obama the same chance and the same respect because she deserves it too.

Seeing how a regular girl from the south side of Chicago handled the President's first State Dinner with such grace was wonderful. I wonder how well all those critics would  have done under such pressure? What have they done that's so great they feel justified in being so hard on someone else.  Especially somone who has given so much of her life being of service to others. Yes, service! Check her bio before putting her or anybody down. I love what Michelle Obama represents and how she represents me as an American woman. Keep up the good work 1st Lady. There's a whole lot of us out here rooting and praying for you! God bless you and God Bless America.